


Toy boy

by Elisexyz



Series: 25 days of Swanfire fic-mas [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Maybe it could be considered crack actually?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 12:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: Neal used to act a lot like magic was out to get him. Emma is beginning to think that he wasn't wrong.





	Toy boy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "The Nutcracker" prompt in the [ "25 days of fic-mas" challenge on Tumblr](http://heytheredeann.tumblr.com/tagged/25-days-of-fic-mas/chrono). This is... so dumb LOL. But I couldn't resist.

“ _Stop_ laughing at me,” Neal complains, and he’d probably pout if he could. As a matter of fact, he can only jump on his place for emphasis.

Believe it or not, Emma _is_ trying not to be a dick and to keep her laughing fit in check, but this is hilarious, sue her. It’s not exactly every day that your fiancé gets turned into a _nutcracker_.

“I’m sorry,” she snickers, unable to take her eyes off him. “You look adorable, if it’s any consolation.”

“It’s not,” he grunts, dropping on his ass to sit – apparently, he can’t bend his legs, which must be annoying as hell. She’ll probably give him a little treat after all this, but right now she’s just going to enjoy how hilarious it is.

Especially because he only has himself to blame: nothing is safe to touch in Gold’s shop, and Neal is the guy’s _son_ , he should _know_.

“At least magic has a sense of humour,” she points out, shrugging. God, it’s so _weird_ to talk with a little doll. Or better, to talk with Neal, little doll edition. She should take a picture or two. “I mean, you’re just in time to be a Christmas decoration.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun,” he comments. “I don’t think you have any idea how _huge_ you look from here.”

“Well, I did fight a giant once,” she replies, thoughtfully, and thinking back to that experience she can guess how unsettling it must be for him to see her so _big_. Probably as unsettling as seeing him so _little_ is for her.

“Come on, I’m sure Gold will figure something out soon,” she says, encouragingly. Her first instinct is reaching out, but she stops in time when it occurs to her that he’s pretty much the same size as her hand. What is she going to do, squeeze him in her fist?

“Have I ever mentioned that I hate magic?” he puffs, annoyed. “The whole _point_ of a Land Without Magic is, well, _no magic_. And yet, here we are.”

Emma merely rolls her eyes: she knows he’s made his peace with it by now, and he’s even stopped side-eyeing any and all attempts at light magic. A couple of weeks ago, he almost chopped his finger off while making dinner, and he even allowed Regina to magically sew the cut, without so much as a moment of hesitation.

That being said, magic’s habit of biting him in the ass is alive and kicking.

“You could use this to your advantage instead of complaining,” she points out. “Haven’t you ever wanted to be a fly in the room and spy on people? You’re _small_ , you could pull it off.”

“Because _no one_ would notice a toy hanging around and listening in on their conversation,” he replies, and although it’s hard to tell without any facial expressions to go by, she thinks she detects a note of amusement in his voice. “Not to mention that it’d take me ages even to walk next room.”

Okay, those are good points. “Killjoy,” she comments, regardless.

A few moments later, Henry opens the door, looking between the two of them with the face of someone that is definitely trying not to laugh. “Uh, Mom— Dad—” he says, pressing his lips together to hide his grin. “Grandpa says he’s got something.”

“See? Told you,” Emma brags. “Are you going to walk next door on your own?” she adds, trying to sound neutral, when she notices that Neal is still sitting.

“I _would_ , but I can’t get up,” he confesses, after a pause.

 _Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t_ —

“Alright, I’ll take you,” she offers, the amusement probably detectable in her voice. Henry has already disappeared into the other room in the meantime, probably because he didn’t want to be mean and downright laugh at his poor father.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Neal mumbles, not particularly pleased.

“Uh, pocket or hand?” she asks, unsure of what option would be less awkward for him.

A pause. “Hand,” he finally decides, so she delicately takes him and lets him sit on her open palm.

“Well, this isn’t weird at all,” she snorts. “Ready to be a real boy again?”

“The Pinocchio reference only makes this _so_ much worse,” he comments, and, well, he isn’t wrong, since they _do_ know the actual Pinocchio and they have weirdly rocky history with him, considering that now he’s around Henry’s age and the two of them are friends.

“Hey, at least I didn’t let Regina take pictures,” she points out.

“That’s why I’m not taking my proposal back,” he replies. “And remind me to get a new job: I’m not touching anything in that damn shop ever again.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including: 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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